The Power of Vulnerability

Vulnerability is key to becoming wholehearted… as is coffee…  

​I heard about Brené Brown a few years ago. Several of my Facebook friends posted links to a video of her Ted Talk in Houston called, “The Power of Vulnerability”. If you haven’t seen it, be sure to check it out.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

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A few months ago, I came across a CD set of her teaching on vulnerability, authenticity, connection and courage. I’ve listened to it several times and Brown’s work has become a key component of the talks I give on relationships in YWAM’s Discipleship Training Schools.

Key lessons for my life have included:

• I’ve learned to recognize that vulnerability is not weakness
• I am learning to distinguish between guilt and shame
• I am encouraged to seek stronger connection in all my relationships

​The thing that strikes me is that, even in my middle years, I have more growing to do. I'm not done, and I have opportunities to become a better human. I'm very grateful for Brené Brown and for her work because she inspires me in the right direction. 

That "Aha!" Moment

So I'm in Long Beach, California this week. I'm teaching in one of YWAM's Discipleship Training Schools. (This is the entry level course for our University of the Nations. It's offered at more than 400 locations around the world). I've got 12 students from 5 nations and this week we're discussing Mission and Outreach. It's a timely topic for them because a week from Thursday these students finish up the classroom phase of their school and they head out for two months of cross-cultural outreach.

I'm telling you, it's a real privilege for me to get to do this. I've found that I love teaching, and of course, I'm passionate about the topic, so that makes it easy and hard. It's easy to be motivated to do it, but hard to figure out what I'm going to say—there's just so much! I think my favorite part is those moments where I say something, and I see the light bulbs go on… kinda like in the cartoons you know? For example, today I was talking about how God is already active in the places that the students are going. He's been on the move, and it's their privilege to see what He's been up to, and join Him in the work He's prepared them to do. And I saw it—the lightbulb. I saw them grasp it and I saw that the pressure they'd been putting themselves of having to bring Jesus to these people melt away as they realized He's already there waiting for them to arrive.

I ask that you pray for me and for my students the rest of this week. Pray for more, lightbulb moments. And pray too, for my health. I've been fighting a bit of a cold this week, and I can feel it draining my energy. Thanks so much for being on this mission with us!

Losing Robinah

A week ago we received horrible news from Uganda, "It is unbelievable that NAKIKANDWE ROBINAH is dead!!!", was written in a late-night text message from Pastor Fred.

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Kay Charlotte met Robinah her on her first trip to Uganda in 2005. She was so very shy, so soft spoken, but oh so sweet. She sat in the corner and looked out the window while the other children in her classroom went over to greet Kay Charlotte. So Kay Charlotte went to her, and in kind, motherly affection, with gentleness, she coaxed some beautiful, bright, open smiles from Robinah. She was right in between our own kids' ages, and when Kay Charlotte saw that her home wasn't healthy for her, we agreed to sponsor her at Bright Hope Primary School founded by Pastor Fred.

Over the next several years we were able to visit Robinah at Bright Hope. She was a middle of the pack student, but it was clear that living at school was good for her. She and Taylor hit it off easily. She smiled shyly at Levi, and called him, "River". She received hugs and affection from Kay Charlotte. With me, it was hard for her to meet my eyes, and she seemed to shrink back. I got the impression that men had not been kind to her in the past. I didn't press her, and made myself content to smile and bless her from a distance. Over the years we received photos and letters that showed her progress.

Two weeks ago, Robinah learned that she had passed her exams, and was accepted to a secondary school in Masaka, three hours away. We had just made arrangements to help with her expenses.

Robinah was fifteen years old when she died. We don't know much, other than it was sudden and unexpected. We thought she was past the age of vulnerability. She was buried in a simple casket near her family's home on Thursday, February 25th. Her funeral was attended by hundreds of her schoolmates, and much of the community.

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When we got the news, we couldn't believe it. We thought there must be some mistake. When we got off the internet call with Pastor Fred, we broke down. We thought her future was assured—secondary school meant a chance at breaking the cycle of poverty. She was on her way. And now she is gone. So we grieve. We've cried. We've lost sleep, and we've struggled with the "why" and "how" of this. We know understanding won't help, but, ahh! It is so unfair. We had such high hopes for her, and we thought our help would make a difference. Although we know it did, I guess we thought there would be more.

Of course we aren't lost in despair. We see hope. Robinah knows Jesus. We gave her a Bible and her teachers told us she would read it in her bunk with the flashlight we gave her. We're told she had a growing understanding of faith. So we have faith that she's in the presence of God. I believe she's fully restored now. She's receiving all the love from the Father, warm and safe in his strong embrace! Finally, she knows who she is, and whose she is! And isn't this the point of the sponsorship that we gave her, that she would know the love and acceptance of our Heavenly Father?

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Today we know more painfully that life is precious. We are faced with how fragile it is, and how quickly it can end. I'll be honest. I'm tempted to withdraw. I want to lean a way from deep connections. I'm not sure I can handle more loss. I don't want to be vulnerable. Yet, I recognize Holy Spirit's whisper. He's telling me to go ahead and feel it; feel the loss deeply. Somehow in doing that, I can identify a little with the Father that has lost so much more. And Holy Spirit is whispering that it's right to remain vulnerable. It's right to risk in this way, because it's in this kind of unguarded weakness that connection can be made.

Through this I'm also reminded that I don't want those that I love to ever wonder how I feel about them. I never broke through with Robinah. I didn't get to represent God in that way to her; I guess Heavenly Father saved that for himself. But I do get to represent Him to others. And so I choose to lean in and be more intentional with the people I love. I encourage you to do the same.

Reimagining the Lord's Prayer

Last week we stayed at a big beach house with friends for some YWAM meetings. During a devotional time together, one of our friends gave each of us a rock and said it was us. They pointed to the Pacific Ocean and said that was the Word of God. They then asked all of us, "Are you up here where the spray might get you wet every once in a while? Or are you like the rocks on the shore, occasionally getting wet with the tides? Where do you want to be?" Of course, I couldn't resist throwing my rock as far out into the surf as possible. Our friend then pointed to the other rocks on the shore and noted how that they were all smooth and round. The incessant wave action had chipped, rubbed, and sanded off all the rough edges. They warned/encouraged us that if we're going to be in the Word, and in the presence of the one who is the Word, then we should recognize that this is going to change us. 

After a few minutes of pondering the waves, we were encouraged to meditate on some scripture. As I've done in the past, I've enjoyed re-writing some passages in my own words to help me get at the deeper meaning and to help me connect with God. This time I sat and read the Lord's Prayer found in Matthew 6. Here's what I wrote: 

"Oh Papa, here, everywhere, and beyond, your names are amazing! Can your presence be thicker here? Help me to align my life with your purposes today; I want to live like it's already heaven here. Thanks for taking care of me, for all the food, and everything else. I'm sorry that I'm often afraid, that I'm selfish, and too proud to change my ways. I know I can be so judgmental, but I let go of the aches and pains I've been dealt. Can you please help me in my mind and my will and my words? And keep that evil jerk away from me. I'm no match for him without you. Amen!" 

What I'm Reading

I read on my iPad every single day…

I read a lot every day. I follow bunches of blogs and am always gathering info about all sorts of nerdy things. I guess it's how I'm wired. Anyway, I'm often asked what I read, so here's a short list:

• Jamie the Very Worst Missionary I don't always agree with her, but I love, love, love her honesty. She's witty, she's deep, and her candor has helped me grow.
• Doggie Head Tilt You know how a dog will tilt her head when she's trying to figure out what you're saying? Yeah, I get that every time I read Michael Metzger's stuff.
• Darrow Miller and Friends Darrow taught in the YWAM Leadership Training School that I attended way back in 2002. His thoughts on development and how to bring change are profound.
• Shared Laments Leah Ouimet lives with our family. She's a deep thinker. And she can write. I love her questions and how she puts concepts together.

Of course, I read all sorts of nerdy stuff about tech, development, photography, and art, so these are just the highlights! If you wanna know more about what else I read, contact me!

Brant Christian School

Photo Cred: Mark & Michelle Sharrow

Last week a team of High School students from Alberta, Canada came to Tijuana, Mexico for a Mission Adventures outreach. Our crack team of missionaries hosted them as they served the poor, shared the Gospel and built a home. I love the these two quotes from the team. (Special thanks to Mark and Michelle Sharrow for the picture!) 

In two weeks, the next wave of short-term students arrive for more Mission Adventures. Please pray for effective ministry to the poor, and for inspiration for the students.

Uma the Ironing Woman

Right outside the home I stayed in Visakhapatnam, I saw a barefoot young woman ironing. Every day, and every time I saw her, she was at her table hard at work with an antique hot coal iron. She worked quietly and all alone, scrubbing piles of laundry by hand. She must have worked twelve hours a day. Her sweet smile and elegance drew me to her, and every time I walked past her, I would smile as I silently prayed that I would get a chance to speak to her.

I asked my host, “How much will she make in a day, doing all of that laundry?”

"About 300 Rupees, if she's lucky," he replied. That’s not even $5 US for a long day of scrubbing, ironing, bending, and lifting, all the while standing on a hard concrete floor. Both my back and my heart ached for her. I prayed for her as I fell asleep that night.

The next day, I felt compelled to give her a gift. On my way out of the house, I stopped and handed her about a week's worth of wages. I told her that it was a gift, and that I didn't need her to do any laundry for me. She graciously took the money with a slight smile on her face. I explained to her that I serve the God named Jesus, and that He sent me to give her the gift. I told her we didn't have to earn his love, just like she didn't have to earn the gift I gave her. She told me her name was Uma and said to me, "Now I have many gods, but I used to worship the God called Jesus, but now I am married to a Hindu husband. I walked away knowing I’d been obedient and hoping my host could build on our conversation.

The following morning, during breakfast, Uma knocked on our door. After a brief conversation, she just stood and stared at me as if I had something else for her. I knew I needed to offer her something worth more than any amount of money. “Do you want to return to serving the 'God named Jesus' and worship only Him?" I asked.

“Yes,” she said. And then asked if it's okay to worship Jesus when she goes to the temple with her husband. I said, “Yes, I’m sure Jesus is quite big enough to understand your culture, and is at work in your husband, until he can have his eyes open to the One True God named Jesus.” She smiled and we prayed to have the God named Jesus to reveal Himself again to her as He once had and to forgive her for following other gods. She prayed for her husband and children to see her as an example, and that her husband would have his eyes opened when he goes to the temple. After our prayer, we hugged and she allowed me to take a photo with her. She smiled when she realized what she looked like. What a great breakfast with my new friend and my God named Jesus!