I Love to Sing… In the car. By Myself. With the Volume Waaaaay up…

If it’s loud enough… I can nail every note of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer up in here!

(Photo by Daniel von Appen on Unsplash)

I also love my church— because when it’s time to worship, they turn the music up enough so I can’t hear me. Which is also nice for the people around me. But for the last three weeks, with the stay at home order in place, we’ve been ‘going’ to online church. And I’m realizing it’s hard for me to worship remotely. 

So this is where I find myself struggling. Instead of participating, I just watch online worship. Even with the words on screen I am hesitant. I don’t want to hear me sing. So I mostly just mumble-hum along. I am a spectator. 

This is not who I want to be. Apparently, so much of my worship has been conditional. If there’s the big sound, if there’s the social comfort of a crowd all singing too, then I’ll pour my heart out to God in song. Sadly, it feels like I need all that and my spectator-worship just doesn’t move me or express what I want to express. 

Which reminded of this: 

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” —John 4:23-24 (The Message)

I’m feeling convicted. I need to get over myself and learn how to truly worship God even by myself. I want to worship more truly. So here’s my plan, I’m going to create time in my corona-altered schedule for private, personal worship, probably on my walks. I intend for it to go like this:

Thanksgiving – I’m going to make a list in my mind of everything I can think of that I can be thankful for, big, small, trivial, and meaningful. 

Praise – From that place of gratitude, I’m going to make a list in my mind of who God is and what God is like. I’m going to focus on his character and nature. 

Worship – I’ll then transition into a more free form time of telling God what I think of him and how he makes me feel. 

Transcendence – I know there’s something beyond the singing, beyond the worship. But I don’t know how to put words to it. But my goal will be to experience that presence of God in that transcendent way. I’ve felt it before, on the beach watching waves roll in at sunset, in the room when my kids were born, and yes, while singing in church. I’m hoping to touch that sense of being with God, when I’m by myself. 

So how about you? Do you find yourself struggling to worship in this COVID-19 season? What are you doing to break through? 

I Admit It. I Binge Watched that Tiger King Show on Netflix

You’d think this might be a show about tigers… but it’s not, definitely not.

I binged watch the Tiger King show on Netflix. It was like a multi-episode slow motion car crash. I could. not. look. away. These characters can’t be real, can they? I don’t watch a lot of tv usually, but I just couldn’t help myself, and besides, I wanted to take my mind off the pandemic.

Then yesterday, came across this amazing quote by Dahlia Lithwick. She wrote an article titled, “How to Spend the Time”. (Link below)

“Suddenly, you are thinking about your time in a different way. Filling the days is not the chief concern. Time is not an empty thing to load up, so much as a precious thing to be doled out …”

— Dahlia Lithwick via Dave Pell's Nextdraft

Oh my gosh. 

I’ve been doing two things with my time that haven’t been helping me. First, I’ve been reading tons of stuff about COVID-19. I read how viruses spread. I read about what a corona virus is. I watched a video about soap. I read about why people hoard toilet paper. I watched a video about those spring break kids in Florida who didn’t practice social distancing. I suppose some of this reading is worthwhile; it’s good to be informed. But I think I was reading so I could feel like I had some sort of control over this situation. Turns out the more I read, the more anxious I got. On more than one occasion during this quarantine, I’ve woken up absurdly early (think 2:00ish and 3:00ish) and haven’t been able to get back to sleep. Overindulging information resulted in anxiety.

Second, I’ve found myself watching more Netflix and scrolling through more Instagram. Now a little entertainment and a little social media are fine, right? But I realized that I was watching twice as much tv than my normal. I was watching to numb myself from the underlying anxiety. Thus Tiger King. 

Now I’m not calling a media fast or canceling our Netflix subscription, (pretty sure the fam would string me up if I did!), but I have made some changes. 

1. I’m recognizing better when I’m seeking control

2. I’m recognizing better when I’m seeking to numb

3. I’m reading more Bible and less news

4. I’m praying more and watching less Netflix

5. I’m attempting healthy portions of nutrient-rich food

6. I’m walking or going for a jog daily

7. I’m giving myself and my fam more grace

How are you spending your time?

***

How to Spend the Time by Dahlia Lithwick on Slate

Via Dave Pell’s Nextdraft

So I'm Blogging Again…

Photo by Sergi Kabrera on Unsplash

In the last week, keep finding myself at the keyboard trying to write my thoughts. Apparently, all this COVID-19 stuff has created a need in me to process . So I guess I’m blogging again. I’ll be posting some things here while I’m feeling the need. I do hope you enjoy. Feel free to connect through the comments or by using the Contact Us page.

Here we go…

Wooden on Leadership

I'm reading this book with the group of Mission Adventures leaders from our San Antonio del Mar (TJ) and Ensenada campuses. We've divided up the book into ten weekly chunks that we're reading and commenting on using Slack. So far we're two weeks into this, and I'm loving it.

If you don't know who Coach Wooden is, here's the short version: He won a whole bunch of basket ball games and championships while coaching at UCLA. He was a man of principle and of faith. He developed a system for coaching that really has turned out to be a system for life.

Here's my favorite quote so far: 

"A leader creates belief—in the leader's philosophy, in the organization, and in the mission."

Ten Things that Require Zero Talent

1. Being on time
2. Work hard
3. Effort
4. Body language
5. Energy
6. Attitude
7. Passion
8. Being coach able
9. Doing extra
10. Being Prepared

In the last few weeks I've been asked to speak at a couple of different YWAM bases to the staff that are running their Mission Adventures ministries. I talked about things like what it means to be on staff, how to minister to teenage students, and how to be partners with youth workers and pastors. I talked about the history of Mission Adventures and shared some stories from the early days.

And it seemed to me that the people I was talking to were super eager to know what to do, how to do it, and why it should get done. I mean they were very conscientious about wanting to do a good job, and it was clear that they wanted to help bless and encourage the students and their leaders.

Of course, both Kay Charlotte and I have lots to say about the why, how, and what of leading Mission Adventures. But I came across this list on Instagram during some downtime, and I realized that much of what we had been encouraging the staff to do was summarized pretty well here. And it turns out, this isn't exactly Mission Adventures specific. If you want to make a difference, or be a great employee, or an amazing boss or leader, this is some great encouragement!

The Dog I Didn't Deserve

Judah was with us for fourteen years. 

June 1, 2016 was Judah's last day. Levi, Taylor and I said our goodbyes and gave him some last treats. We facetimed with Kay Charlotte so she could be there too. I'm sad. I'm grateful.

Judah was a good dog. He tried my patience. He shed and he slobbered. But he was eager to please and wanted to be where we were. He reminded me of me. At times he showed me my shortcomings and just by being himself he showed me that I want to be a better man. And he reminded me of my own mortality, and he showed me that mercy is often the best course.

I love that Judah was an optimist. He was a living example of how to be enthusiastic for simple things. He always believed for one more throw of the ball, and always hoped for a stray piece of popcorn on the floor. I am impressed with him in that he faced aging and even his last days, (which must have been more painful than we know), with tremendous hope. He never got snappy or even had a hint of a bad temper. Instead he chose to sleep close to the back door instead of on his bed. I think it's because he wanted to be a little closer to us while he was hurting.

Levi and I stayed with him and stroked his ears while the vet gave him the injection. It was short, without any drama. He licked his chops and laid his head down one last time. I am deeply saddened that his story has ended. But I think we did it right. We didn't wait too long, and we didn't rush to get rid of him like he was inconvenient. I think we gave him a good life, and I think he enjoyed it, and I think he helped us be more human. 

A Bar of Soap and a Kilo of Sugar

Instead of black, I wore a flowery printed skirt the day I met Josephine. She was the mother of Robina, the 15-year-old girl we sponsored for ten years. Together we planted a mango tree in her daughter's memory.

Two mothers honor the life of a daughter. 

Josephine must have run out of hope the day she sold Robina to a man from their village. When I first heard the story, my heart broke, “How could this have happened?” I thought it would’ve been for a large sum of money, but, no. Robina was sold for a kilo of sugar and a bar of soap. Perhaps Josephine was tired of being filthy from digging for roots to feed her other children. Maybe she wanted sugar to ease the taste of her bitter, muddy-water tea. My mind cannot even begin to imagine…

My rage and disgust turned to mercy and forgiveness. I saw a mother who felt she had no options. My heart went out to Josephine the day we first met. She threw herself at my feet, begging me to forgive her, and not to turn her over to the police. Her arms were muddy from digging for roots, and working in the fields. The purple traditional dress she wore was filthy but she walked her steps towards me with eloquence and regret. Her eyes were streaming tears of shame and guilt beyond imagination, for her act of hopelessness resulting in “our” daughter’s untimely death. I knelt down to pick her up, and said, “The only one we bow to, is the one neither of us are worthy to approach, his name is Jesus.”  She stood up, and wiped her tears with her dress. I motioned for her to sit next to me. She continued to try to bow to me for mercy, but I kept motioning for her to stand up and sit by me.

I’m sure her mind replayed the moment she realized Robina was pregnant by the man she sold her to. It’s possible she remembered all the lies she’d told to keep her pregnancy secret, so she could continue to keep Robina in school. Robina’s trunk was packed and ready for High School, but her mom kept telling people, “Robina has a headache and can’t go to school yet.” The truth was, Josephine had taken Robina to a witch doctor and gotten herbs to abort the baby, but after taking the potion, Robina bled to death.  I got a text that same night, saying. “It is unbelievable that Nakikandwe Robina is dead.” I was shocked!

And there I sat with Josephine and told her God is a God of mercy. She was surprised when I said I did not come to judge her, nor was I mad at her, and I was not going to call the police to put her in prison. I said, “I forgive you.” She sobbed, and sobbed. I said, “If you ask God for forgiveness, He is faithful to forgive, and clean you from all things you do wrong.”  She asked for forgiveness that day, and will never be the same.

I’ll never be the same either. I’d only read about mercy triumphing over judgment through the blood of Jesus. That day, I lived it out. I got the unique and life-changing opportunity to truly let mercy and the kindness of God lead someone to repentance. Someone I’d judged harshly, someone not deserving of forgiveness, and yet, I couldn’t do anything but forgive, because God was forgiving her through me. It was marvelous.

Josephine and I planted a fruit tree in memory of Robina that day. As we did, I quoted the scripture, “Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains single, but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” I believe the fruit from the seed of Robina’s life will be for Josephine and the people of the village to remember that mercy truly triumphs over judgment. Only God can work that kind of forgiveness into someone’s heart. For that I’m thankful and free.  So glad I didn’t wear black but chose flowers instead.